420 ftw
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
