you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
