I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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