its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
