I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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