During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
