I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
