Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
