I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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