Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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