Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
