he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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