If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
