Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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