a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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