Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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