I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
