I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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