i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just found puke in my bra..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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