We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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