We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
