I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
