We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
