i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
