I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
