You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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