i think my tv is drunk
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
