I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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