That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
