She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
