I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
