the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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