Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
