if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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