All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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