I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
