Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
