Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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