i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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