sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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