what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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