Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
