wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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