um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
