wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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