My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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