I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
