I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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