so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
