i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
