I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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