So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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