Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
