Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
