blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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