I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
