ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
