We got so high we made milksteak
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
