Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
where are my eyebrows?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
