She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
