we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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