i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
